Friday

Canine Furniture Inspector

In our personal bid to stimulate the American economy through consumer spending, my wife and I purchased a new set of furniture for the house. Among the economic experts weighing in on the effects of our stimulus package was our resident Bichon-Maltese, Candy.

After sniffing the decidedly artificial-smelling upholstery of the couch, Candy pronounced it to be appropriate for dogs to lay upon. Luckily for us, Candy also paid a visit to the groomer this morning, meaning that stray hairs will not be a problem from her sweet repose on this soggy October afternoon.

Yet I have little doubt that the male canines of the house are currently plotting fur-based terrorist acts as we speak. Perhaps we should have allocated the funding to our intelligence assets, as we currently do not have an interpreter fluent in the growls and barks in which the suspects communicate. What good is an economic recovery if we are at the mercy of the unpredictable whims of the terrorists?